By C. Michael Forsyth
Pope Benedict XVI has reportedly launched a secret holy on pedophile priests and ordered his underlings to “go medieval” on them!
“Not only has the Catholic Church had to pay over $2 billion in damages to the victims, these vile false priests have demolished the image of the priesthood that it took decent men of God 2,000 years to build,” explained a Vatican insider. “His Holiness finally declared in a meeting with cardinals, ‘This madness stops today. It is time to go medieval on these fiends.’ ”
Tools of torture not employed by the Church since the Spanish Inquisition are now quietly being used to smash pedophile rings.
“We’re talking about thumbscrews, The Rack, The Wheel, The Pear of Anguish — even the infamous Judas Cradle,” revealed the insider. “When a priest is suspected of molesting children, he’s forced to admit what’s he’s done – and to cough up the names of his fellow abusers and those in the Church who’ve shielded them. Usually they try to resist, but within a matter of a few days, they’ve spilled their guts.”
Most shocking of all, the Pontiff has instructed his inner circle that men of the cloth who’ve broken their most sacred vows should no longer be allowed to confess their sins to a fellow priest and be forgiven.
“In the meeting in which His Holiness gave his marching orders to his cardinals, he said that child-molesting clerics are no longer to receive the rite of absolution,” recounts the Vatican insider. “One of the cardinals timidly raised his hand and asked him, ‘Could you clarify that, Your Holiness? Do you mean you want these pedophile priests to go to Hell?’
“The Pope said, ‘No, I’m saying I want these mutter-verdammt (mother#%@-ing) pedophile priests to go to Hell.’
“We all looked at each other, stunned. It was if he was channeling your famous American actor, Samuel M. Jackson.”
The sessions are conducted by members of the elite Pontifical Swiss Guard, who’ve served as the Pope’s personal bodyguards and agents since 1506. Although the Swiss are better known for cuckoo clocks than brutality, they’ve quickly adapted to the harsh interrogation techniques.
Suspects are kidnapped off the street, from their rectories and even from church sanctuaries as they don their robes for Mass. Then they’re whisked away to underground chambers in undisclosed locations. One priest who admits to “inappropriate contact” with altar boys gave the underground Italian newspaper Verità Nascosta a harrowing account of his treatment.
“Five goons in black garments tossed me in a dungeon that looked like something from a horror movie,” the alleged molester claimed. “When the priest in charge of the operation arrived, I was relieved and told him, ‘I am ready to confess to you, Father.’ His reply was, ‘If I want your confession, I’ll have it beaten out of you.’ Then he nodded to his henchmen and left.”
The accused pedophile was strapped to The Rack, lowered on the Judas Cradle — even waterboarded, according to the newspaper. After just three hours of torment, he tearfully gave a written confession and jotted down the names of three priest pals whom he claimed had also molested children. He was then escorted by a van to police headquarters and unceremoniously dumped on the steps, hogtied, with the confession pinned to his chest. The alleged pervert’s lawyer has asked a judge to throw out the forced confession, but admits that under Italian law that’s unlikely to happen.
Although kidnapping and torture are illegal in Italy, police appear to be looking the other way when the Pope’s squads engage in hardball tactics.
“The police hate child molesters more than any other type of criminal,” explained crime reporter Carlo Bennetiani, who penned the article. “They’re eager to get them off the streets by any means necessary.”
The first cases of abduction were reported in Rome in early February and 15 others have cropped up elsewhere in Europe over the past few months. No instances have yet been reported in the U.S., but experts say that the no-nonsense approach is even more likely to succeed when it spreads here.
“American authorities are acclimated to the use of torture when it’s for a good cause,” observed Washington-based legal expert Jodi Yeakerman.
The dramatic move represents a total about face for the Catholic Church, which for years shuffled pedophiles around from parish to parish or sent them away for “treatment” when the threat of exposure loomed. While in the wake of costly lawsuits, church officials have agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, they’ve never before waged such a vigorous campaign to root out evildoers.
Victims’ rights advocates couldn’t be more delighted.
“This is long overdue,” declared Holly Margretson, whose nephew was molested by a Boston cleric in the mid 1980s.
Child molesters are furious at the Pope’s new take-no-prisoners attitude.
“To literally tell us to go to Hell is turning the Holy Mother Church upside down,” complained Robbe-Guilliame van der Goosen, director of the International Association for the Advancement of Intergenerational Romance, headquartered in Belgium. “The Pope may be ‘infallible’ but this is outrageous.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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